Mrs. B & Me

I couldn’t feel my fingers or toes.

But that was ok. I was on a mission.

christmas golden ornament on artificial coniferous garland with lights
Photo by Uriel Mont on Pexels.com

It was the day Santa was visiting. He’d be at my market pavilion that evening at 5:00PM, and I was preparing for his arrival. Kids were coming and the cookies were ready, and that morning at work, I had the nice surprise of finding extra lights in my storage area. (Our public works team had hung a few hundred feet of icicle lights on the farmers market pavilion the days prior.) Apparently, I, being spatially challenged, had ordered a couple hundred feet extra.

“We’re gonna make this Santa-space twinkly!”

Suddenly, I was Clark Griswold. I envisioned myself singing “Joy to the World” when I flipped the switch. I was working with a blank canvas in a new structure, knowing that no matter how many lights I found a space for, the festive part in my brain would be screaming, “More! More!”

But today…. the task at hand…was to get these lights up.

Interruptions

I was three hours in and the icicle lights were done. Now, lighted garland was being hung in six-foot increments. The sparkly star was up (not in its originally planned place—the wind was too fierce for it. The wind was. a. beast. Brutal, I say!) While I was squinting, standing back, and making sure the lights on the garland were spaced correctly, my Bose speaker belted out Brenda Lee.

About halfway into decking the rails, I noticed a work vehicle pull into the lot. The area isn’t public parking, and this vehicle parked perpendicular to the pavilion. My brain went into overdrive…”wonder what they’re doing”…”hope there’s no tomfoolery”…”am I going to have to ask them to move the truck”…”I’ve never heard of that business….”

The engine is cut off.

Burl Ives is in the background reminding me to have a holly jolly Christmas.

And I begin keeping a side-eye on them as they sit there.

My decorating finally took me to an area that required my facing them. I could keep an eye on them without gawking and I could see what they were up to. Suspicious activity requires that, you know.

I turned, and in the front seat I saw the driver eating something, and a tiny, older lady on the passenger side. “They’re just eating lunch,” I thought with relief.

Four minutes pass, and the passenger door opens. The gentleman comes around, assists the lady out of the truck, she straightens her peacoat, and begins walking in my direction.

“I need to walk around…my legs get stiff,” she said, as she made her way to where I was.

The man had already returned to the truck.

“I understand that!” I replied, as she made her way to me.

“I have issues with the arteries in my legs,” she continued. The doctor said I wouldn’t be walking in three years. That was six years ago. So, I make sure to get up & walk when I can.”

By now, she’d reached the area where I was decorating.

“Well, it looks like you’ve defied the odds—you’re getting around beautifully!”

A hearty laugh seemed to prompt the pointing of her cane. “My son is in that truck. I don’t let him know these things because I don’t want to worry him. He invited me to ride with him today for his work. First time I’ve done this!”

Our conversation seemed to just flow after that. I learned that…

…her bridge “didn’t fit right”

…she worked for an attorney without any formal training when she was 19 years old

… she worked for the railroad after that

…she lived in the very county where I’d previously lived almost 20 years

…she thought my daughter is beautiful (of course I showed her photos!)

…she was shocked I’m old enough to have a 31-year-old child (like I’m going to omit that tidbit…BOOYAH, FATHER TIME!)

…she believed in “divine appointments”

As she kept apologizing for taking me from my decorating, I kept telling her it was quite alright—she’s not taking me from anything.

Elegance & Grace

figurines of christmas trees and skiing reindeer
Photo by Ilo Frey on Pexels.com

I found myself smiling largely the entire time she spoke. Her red lipstick matched her pillbox hat perfectly, and her eyes twinkled more than the thousands of lights I’d just strung. Her white hair reminded me of the soft, fluffy stuff we used for snow in our mini Christmas villages in the 1970s. Like cotton.

“Well, you sure have done a beautiful job,” she said.

(It was just lights, a star, and garland…..)

She told me her name…. but to maintain her privacy, I’ll call her “Mrs. B.”

She told me her age.

Eighty-nine.

Mrs. B used to travel “these parts” with her husband, who had passed some years ago. She’d not been here in a while, and as a matter of fact, she and her son were headed to another town about 30 minutes north of us, but they wanted to stop for lunch.

My town it was.

In a non-parking lot.

Beside my Santa space.

Forty-five minutes had passed, and the feeling in my fingers and toes had returned. I walked her to the truck where her son stood waiting for her, and invited her to come back in the summer for our farmers market.

“Ain’t nothin’ like a homegrown tomato, and we have some of the best!” I told her. “I would love to see you one Thursday during our market season.”

“I may just do that!” she said, as her son helped her into the truck. “You sure have made me want to visit again….thank you!”

I stood, contemplative, as the truck disappeared over the hill. The wind blustered around me.

I pivoted and noticed the lights of Santa’s space. Heard the joyful sounds of Bing Crosby. Felt the tips of my fingers and toes. And noticed I was still wearing a smile.

My mind…my body…my heart….needed this pause…needed this reminder.

Thank you, Mrs. B. I believe in divine appointments, too.

Significance

If my eyes were closed, I’d feel like I was on my side porch in the summer, listening to the rain, the swing gently swaying front…back…front…back…

And as I watched her, I think she was thinking the same.

The Queen has had a few weeks of absolute astuteness (is there such a word?) She’s been awesome in letting me know what she needs & wants. Fuzzy socks. Her sunglasses cleaned. The car window down because she smells a dead skunk.

No worries, chinquapin, we rollin’ all four down!

She’s also seemed wired up, as I say. Full speed ahead. Rare form. Active.

Not bad things, mind you. Just “on” things.

So, I accommodate.

Night time routines

This evening, I readied her for bed. I collected her pj’s, a fresh towel, washcloth, and changed her bed sheet, while she sat on the potty reading a 13-month-old edition of my Harvard Business Review.

It was bath time.

Every time for the past few decades, I’ve had two methods of bath time: let the water run to warm, lift her into the tub, and remove the wand to rinse her while she sits in the tub; or fill the tub, add Epsom salt, baking soda, and lavender oil, and hold my arms under her to give her buoyancy to aid in the relaxation, then rinse accordingly.

But tonight…tonight I was going to let her experience something new.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A shower.

I stood her and stepped her over into the tub, the shower head spraying a rainstorm (that’s the setting) into the tub. Instead of sitting her down, I let her stand. Back to the spray. Water pitterpatterpitterpattering on her, warm water running down her head, to her back, shoulders, to her arms, and exiting out of her fingers that positioned themselves in front of her, tip-to-tip on each hand, as if instructing the droplets where to go.

Stillness.

She tilted her head slightly back and closed her eyes. I just knew she was relishing the feeling of the water cascading down her shoulders to the tips of her fingers. She stood silent. Motionless.

And I let her relish.

I was, too.

We stood for 3 minutes. Then 5. Then 8. I worried that the water would turn cold. Or my arms would grow weak. Or her legs would give out. The water seemed to turn into tiny, rubber beads that bounced off her now caramel-colored hair. They ricocheted in unison. A cadence formed as we stood, her with her eyes closed, hands out with palms facing toward her, my hands and arms holding her weight…so she could experience what we all (at least most) have. I noticed her eyes closed, and a contented smile on her face as she soaked in her standing-shower experience. And I….became lost in the moment…my shirt soaked…my jeans now stuck to my legs.

It was bedtime.

I turned her, sat her down, and bathed her like I’ve done the past three decades. She was pliable, mellow, smiling, and what I perceived as happy for enjoying her first shower. Once finished, I stepped her over the side of the tub, dried her, lotioned and powdered her, combed her hair, sprayed it with Pravana (how’d she become so bougie??) and donned her in her cozy pjs—a combo of a t-shirt/sweatshirt and long-johns/fuzzy pants. And fuzzy socks. Have to have fuzzy socks.

To bed she goes. Teeth brushed. Drink of water. Monkey bear presented. Prayers said. Kisses given. Obligatory photos & videos…

“Yes, you’re beautiful,” I tell her. She feels prissy, and fresh, and relaxed and calm and Zen-like.

And I’m all emotional.

Thirty-one and-a-half years and she has her first shower. I’m thankful that He shows me the “little” things that can make a huge difference. The “little” things that bring huge joy.

I know I’ll never see mine the same….

Thank you, God, for making the seemingly insignificant so significant. It really does matter.

Toothbrushes, Combs, and Icy Hot

It was time.

My husband’s work car had been idle for 2 months and was in desperate need of a good washing and some TLC.  I arrived home from work at the farmers market with energy to spare and wanted to do something productive.

“Want me to wash your truck?”  I asked.

“Well, the White Car (she’s so old & reliable she deserves caps when referring to her) needs it badly.”

I looked over by the garage & saw what he meant–the grass was higher around her tires and instead of white, she now looked like a mottled grey.  I was ashamed of my neglect.

“Oh yes, I’m washing the Grand Am.”

Husband started her right up & drove her into the bottom driveway while I retrieved the bucket, soap, scrub brush, and every other apparatus I thought I may need in her transformation.  The music was playing on my blue tooth speaker, the sun was shining, and I was ready to get it done.

I’m going to add a side note here:  I love washing cars.  I love clean cars.  I love cars.  No, my husband isn’t horrible for “letting me” do it instead of him doing it.  In truth, he never has an option.  I wash the cars in the family.  And I love it.  Few things bring me as much satisfaction as seeing a car so clean and tires so black and knowing I did that.

But I digress.

I begin washing, husband sits on his tractor observing.  Three minutes in to it I realize I’m going to have to use a toothbrush to clean around the trim, emblems, reflectors, and front & back glass before I do a full-body wash.  Yeah, she was that dirty.  <hangs head in shame>

Without saying anything, I go inside to get my detailing toothbrush.  When I come back outside, husband says, “Aww…the car doesn’t need all that.”

“OF COURSE SHE DOES!  What?  Because it’s 20 years old and a “work car”, does that mean I shouldn’t show her as much care and attention as I would my Lincoln?  Of course not!  She deserves just as much—if not more—attention and care!  She’s older!  She’s weathered!  She’d earned it!”

And I carried on.

Husband laughed & shook his head because he realized to whom he was speaking.

Attention to Detail

As Van Morrison played in the background, and the toothbrush flicked out all those bits of grime & dirt that my car wash mitt wouldn’t get, the thought occurred to me—isn’t that how some of the elderly in our society are treated?

Those who are older–those who have “more miles” on them so to speak–whose bodies are starting to rust a bit–do we look at them and think, “They don’t need that much attention—they’re old”?

Are they not as valuable?

Not as revered?

Not as appreciated?

I think that’s why I love seeing a 95-year young lady with red fingernails and learning that the activities director at her assisted living home painted them for her.  Even better is learning that her great gran-daughter did it.  Or seeing her with pretty pink lipstick and a touch of rouge (that’s what ladies over 70 always call it!)

My Mom and I smile as we share stories of “elderly encounters”.  It seems inevitably she and I are asked for assistance while we’re out in public.  Perhaps to reach a peanut butter jar.  Or to read an expiration date on a package of bacon.  Or carry an umbrella while they traverse across the parking lot with their walker.

Sometimes they just want to talk—and at length.  I made two good friends through chance encounters at Fresh Market in Roanoke—one was a beautiful Italian lady who passed away fewer than a year after we met, the other a stylish, retired teacher who said I reminded her of her daughter who’d passed away a few years before.  We became pen pals with the occasional phone call.  She’s 93 now.

I remember combing my Pop-Aw’s hair for him about a year before he passed away.  He couldn’t lift his arms enough to comb his hair as neatly as he liked, so I offered to do it.  I even ran the electric shaver over his face and neck to help prepare him for his day.  He always liked to look his best—no matter what the occasion.  When I was done, I handed him the mirror to make sure he approved.  He did.

I recall the October day I rubbed my Mom-Aw’s knees with Icy Hot.  She was riddled with cancer, and it had moved to the bone.  Her knees hurt.  Mine didn’t.  So I knelt, and rubbed her knees, lingering as we talked.  I could tell she didn’t want me to stop, and honestly, I didn’t either.  I wanted to extend that moment as long as I could, bringing relief to her in the only way possible, while talking about things that would make her belly laugh & throw her head back. That old, familiar laugh…..

She passed 3 months later.

While my car is just an inanimate object, I realized something out there in the heat of the sun while washing it.   Attention to detail—it matters. Those “little” things.  The toothbrush on the trim reminded me of combing Pop-Aw’s hair and rubbing Mom-Aw’s hurting knees.  The little time it takes, but the difference it makes.  Yes, I will take care of the older things in my possession, but I’ll take even greater care of the older souls in my life.  Because here’s the thing–things can be replaced.  Loved ones cannot.

Regardless of whether it’s an aged parent, or grandparent, or friend, or even stranger in the supermarket, take the time to notice.  Be available.  Listen to them.  Smile.  Be interested.  Show them they’re just as important and valued and needed as they always were—or perhaps even more so.

May I always be conscientious of the details that need attention, and may I never be too busy to tend to them.